you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
