Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
