Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
