we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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