eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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