I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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