Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
