Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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