Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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