He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
