the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
