So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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