Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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