I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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