It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
