We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
