my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
