sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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