We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
