I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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