im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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