The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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