Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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