It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
