im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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