So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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