we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
