She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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