Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
