the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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