I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
