it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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