Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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