I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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