I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
