I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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