WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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