Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
