I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
