His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
