You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
