So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
