My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
