We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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