He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
