You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
...so i touched it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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