And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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