well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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