I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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