Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
