Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
