Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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