Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
